After

After unsolicited solitude and weeks of relentless heat. After too many filtered stories and too many unfiltered tweets. After months of holding space while others barely hold on. After listening in and expanding out and bowing out and tuning in. After sleepless nights and foggy days and moving the bed and mattress again. After a strained back and tense shoulders and a clenched jaw from "keeping it all together".  After a day of pondering what we are actually celebrating. After sensing the depth of what needs releasing. After a trickle of tears meets the cup of coffee. Then I begin.